surgery of doomydoomness of doom that's doomy
by izfan26
Summary: Zim is having stabbing pain in his abdomen, and has to have dib preform surgery. this is based on SCMwargie's picture, disection. based when they're younger, ZaDf, R&R
1. Chapter 1: the pain

_**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING BUT THE IDEA. THIS SORY IS INSPIRED BY THE ZADF PICTURE CALLED DISECTION. THIS IS NOT ZADR. ANYONE WHO THINKS THIS IS ZADR WILL BE THROWN INTO A PIT WITH A TICKED-OFF GAZ.**_

Zim's POV

One day, I was working in my lab; everything was alright, when I experienced a stabbing pain in my squeedily-spooch. It was so bad, I dropped what I was doing (literally, I dropped a vile of who knows what) doubled over, and grabbed my squeedily-spooch.

I stumbled over to my room, and threw myself down on the bed. Normally, when I had pain, I would brush it off, and continue to work through the pain. But, this was different. I had never been inn so much agony before. Well, I had, that one time on foodcourtia, when I fell into the fryer then was attacked by leeches. Apparently, deep-fried leeches were a delicacy on Blorch. But, this was certainly a comparable pain. And, that pain was on the outside of my body. This pain was INSIDE my body.

I started screaming, and laying back up. I don't know why I thought this, but, I thought taking off my shirt would help sooth my pain. My backpack slid right over it and I started screaming and biting the pillow, and kicking.

"Should I call an ambulance?" my snarky computer asked. My only response was to continue to scream into the pillow.

"Are, uh, are you ok?" asked a voice all too familiar to me. Tallest Red.

"Oh, yes sir, I'm quite ok!" I said, getting up. "You can't even imagine how ok I- _URK!_" It hurt the second I set foot on the ground. And I have carpet!

"Zim, lay back down," Tallest Purple said, face palming "we don't have to talk if it's going to kill you."

Well, he's my tallest. I had no choice but to lay back down. "Will you sirs please hang up? Zim doesn't like it when people see him when he's sick. Not that I'm sick. I never get sick."

"Right…" Tallest Red said sarcastically. But, they hung up, and I continued to scream.

I heard GIR walk in, and felt his tiny steel hands touch me. That only made my squeedily-spooch hurt more. "OWW! GIR! Don't touch me right now! It hurts! It hurts! IT HURTS!"

I could tell GIR was concerned "if you want, I know what could relieve your pain a little bit."

Well, as you can imagine, I was desperate for relief of any sort, so, I told him "then get it for Zim. Please." I could tell GIR was gone for a few minutes, but then I felt a cold, squishy object placed under my squeedily-spooch, then something hot on top of it. "GIR, what did you –ow- get me?"

"A hot and cold water bottle. Don't worry, they can't hurt you, the water's surrounded by three centimeters of rubber. Just lie there, okay?"

I grunted in pain. "Computer," I muttered "can you please run a scan of everything below my skin and muscles?"

"Sure thing." I heard whirring and computer casually whistling "uh-oh."

"What? What's wrong?" I asked with concern

"Uh, n-n-nothing."

"Nothing doesn't sound like that when you find it. So, what's wrong?"

Computer was quiet for a long time. "There is an unidentified mass just above your squeedily-spooch. But, it's not cancer. You will need a small, VERY small surgery to clear that up. Do you want me to call Dib?"

That was the final straw. "_**NO!**_ Irkens don't feel pain! Irkens don't need surgery!" I threw off the hot water bottle. I tried to get up. "I WILL BE FI-!" the pain came again. "_URK!" _I felt computer lift me back up onto the bed. "Yes, I want you to call Dib." I muttered as GIR put the water bottles back on and under me.

"Zim?"

"Yes, GIR?"

"Why are you so afraid to let Dib perform surgery on you?"

"Because surgery is just one step away from dissecting me alive."


	2. Chapter 2: begging for help

_**DISCLAIMER: ALL I OWN IS THE IDEA. THAT WILL BE ALL.**_

"Com…put…er…" Zim moaned "don-don't bother cal… calling Dib… Zim will… Zim will go to his house my… self…" he got up, and practically crawled to the door. No need to bother with a disguise.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea? You seem to be in a bit of pain."

"Oh, I'll be fi… fine… ow… I… ow… can do… ow… it…" the invader muttered defensively. He walked outside, and keep in mind he has no disguise. But, despite that and the pain he was in, he made his way to house 777 on 7th street. "Ow… ow… oh, Miyuki, please have mercy! Ow… please… please make it end… ow…" his pain increased with every step he took, but, luckily, he lived on 666 ½ on 6th street, so, he didn't have far to walk. Finally, he made it to Dib's house. He looked at the new signs his father had put up.

_DON'T WALK ON THE GRASS; IT'S NOT POITE TO WALK ON THE DEAD._

_GO ON. KEEP GOING. I DARE YA._

_GET AWAY FROM MY HOUSE!_

And so on and so forth. Zim finally made it to the door. And, since this is Nny, we all know what the signs on the door and the doorbell said. But, Zim took that dare on the doorbell.

_Ding dong_

"Oh, please be home, please be home, please be home!" Zim wailed.

A tall man who looked like Dib answered the door. He took one look at Zim, (who smiled up weakly at him) turned around, and called "DIB! DOOR FOR YOU!" the man left, replaced by Dib.

"Wanna go to your place?" Dib asked the weak boy. Zim nodded subtly, and Dib helped him up to his house. But, three steps off Dib's property, Zim's legs gave out. Dib lifted the tiny invader in his arms, and continued to walk to his house. "What's up?"

"You're going to get to cut me open, Dib." Dib was at first confused on how to react. Did his friend want to be dissected alive? But, then it hit him. Zim wanted him to take out an organ that was causing him a lot of pain and probably didn't belong to him at all. Dib heard his friend moan in pain.

"Okay, Zim. It's okay. We're gonna get that thing out of you, alright?"

"Okay, Dib…"

no insult at the end. Dib knew he had to be in some serious pain!

_**A/N: no, Zimmy's not in labor, and he's not having a PMS. So, don't get your hopes up, you big, sick purple dinosaur lady Miley gaga Cyrus!**_


	3. Chapter 3: examinations are tempting

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Zim, Dib, GIR, computer, or any of the other characters disclosed in this chapter. Hey! Who wants to hear a joke?**_

_**Why do female Irkens have curly antennae?**_

_**To hear, vortians!**_

_**A/N: just to warn people, the following chapter is rated teen, so, unless you're within those ages somewhere, turn back now.**_

"Okay, Zim," Dib said, setting up his tools "take off your shirt. I want to see your stomach." Zim looked at Dib as though the sky had turned purple.

"The Dib wishes to see Zim's squeedily-spooch?"

oh, that's right. Dib had forgotten that was what it was called. "Uh… yeah…" Dib tried to speak Zim's language "the Dib wishes to see Zim's, uh 'squeedily-spooch'."

He tried to take off Zim's shirt, but, Zim grabbed his hand, and asked "why?"

"I just want to do an examination of your squeedily-spooch to make sure I don't have to take anything out, okay?" Zim was reluctant at first, but Dib managed to encourage him to undress.

"Just don't irking touch me." Zim said, pulling off his shirt.

"I can't promise that." Dib said, pulling out the tools he would need to examine the alien's midsection. "Okay then, you just sit or lay down, whatever makes you more comfortable, and just relax. And, could you turn off that camera? I really don't want to be doing this if there's a possibility that your leaders could call at any given second."

Zim looked a bit angry, but finally answered "well, if Dib-friend insists, Zim guesses he'll turn it off."

Computer de-activated it, and Zim sat on the table. At the first glance, it was obvious something was really wrong. Zim had what seemed like a large, dark bruise was sprawled across Zim's stomach. Dib really hoped it was just a large dark bruise. Dib pulled out a stethoscope, and listened for something. Zim let out a howl of pain, but, Dib most likely didn't hear him, because he just said "I… I can't hear anything. Are you dead or something, Zim? Seriously!"

and that wasn't the worst of it. Dib had to feel Zim's stomach._ I should've known Dib would have to touch me._ Zim thought, sighing. Dib gently pushed on Zim's middle, releasing a screech of pain from the small invader. He pressed harder. Zim screamed louder. Dib kept pressing, Zim kept howling and screaming that it hurt.

"Zim, please calm down." Dib practically whispered. Zim kept right on screaming, But, he was thinking _oh, firetruck yes! Dib's touching me! _Dib was thinking, _oh, firetruck yes! I get to touch his smooth, cool skin._ Dib thought excitedly. He decided to study an Irken's external appearances. He felt Zim's chest, and learned that Irken's don't have nipples. He already knew that Irkens didn't have navels. He wished he knew if Irkens had anything, uh, "down there", but, maybe another time. It's not like Zim didn't love Dib touching him, but, this was just too much.

STOP! STOP! STOP!" Zim howled in pain.

"Zim, I said relax." Dib said, patting Zim on the back. Zim didn't know why, but, he bolted his mouth closed basically. Zim threw himself down on the table, letting Dib continue the examination. Feeling lust of being in the same room as a shirtless Zim pulsated through Dib's veins._ The invader is at my hands… he can't move. He can't resist. But, I have no need for restraints of any sort. He can't move. He can't resist. (Whoa, did I already say that?) He doesn't want to._ Dib moved closer to Zim's squeedily-spooch. _I… I must… I must taste his cursed, inhuman skin _Dib then licked Zim's skin. Well, that crossed the line. Zim wasn't going to hold still for this horny human! Zim slapped him away, and grabbed his belly in agony.

"Ple… please don't do… do that again… just… don't…"

Dib sighed. "Sure… it's uh, it's not like it meant anything." That was going to be a most awkward situation for both boys. But, then, Zim was doubled over in pain.


	4. Chapter 4: surgery

_**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING BUT THE IDEA, BLAH BLAH BLAH, YOU'RE NOT REALLY READING THIS ARE YOU? WELL, SINCE YOU'RE HERE ANYWAY, DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A JOKE?**_

_**DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE RUBARB THAT WAS ON THE CLOCK?**_

_**HE WAS GETTING PAID CELERY!**_

Dib had instructed Zim to try and sit up while he got the scalpel ready. Zim found sitting up after he'd been pushed down by Dib pushing on his stomach to be quite… exquisite. Dib had told him sitting up was going to make the surgery go better. When Dib turned around, scalpel in hand, Zim swallowed hard.

"Zim, this won't hurt a bit," Dib soothed, grabbing a table of tools, and pulling it up to them "you won't feel a thing!"

"What do you think you're-" Zim started to say, but, Dib shushed him.

"Shh… it will hurt more if your mind is busy and agitated. Relax. Concentrate on.. nothing."

Despite the calming words of his friend, Dib saw Zim was thinking about running off, and Dib put a hand on his shoulder. It would appear that Dib was trying to calm him down, but, really he was trying to keep him down. Within one soundless, swift, easy motion, Dib cut through a layer of skin.

Now, normally, an Irken has a high pain threshold, but with Zim's currently sensitive abdomen, he let out a whimper of pain. Dib had to take a hand off his shoulder to hunt for the organ causing him pain. As Dib entered his abdomen, Zim started to panic and scream.

"Shh… calm down Zim." The old Dib resurfaced for a moment. "I'll cut you open… rearrange your insides… find out what makes you tick…" the new Dib came back. "Isn't this fun?" Dib grinned evilly. He could sense the fear in his best friend. "Oay, I'm kidding dude! Geez Zim! Can't I make a joke?"

Zim eyed one of Dib's 'toys'. It was a small electric saw covered in spikes and had a mechanism on it that looked like it was supposed to pull something out. "Not while you're holding whatever THAT is." He pointed to the saw thing.

Dib looked at the item in his hand. "Oh, this is a-"

"Zim doesn't want to know. I just want to know if it hurts."

Dib looked at it, and thought, while keeping one hand inside the horizontal incision in Zim's abdomen. "Not much. It's only going to be so excruciatingly painful you're going to think you'll die." He joked. He felt Zim tense up a bit. "Dude, can't I make jokes, like, at all?"

"Not while your hand is inside me!"

"Alright, alright." Dib soothed. He continued to feel around in Zim's abdomen, hearing his screams of pain. "Zim, stop screaming." Dib soothed, as he hunted for the mass. Zim felt Dib grab the lump, and say "got it." Dib removed the lump covered in warm green liquid, and more of Zim's blood came out of his abdomen. Zim screamed louder than he'd probably screamed in his entire activation.

Zim knew he was supposed to hold still, but, he started squirming.

"Hold still, Zim! Come on, don't give up on me, we're almost done here." Dib tried to sooth. he cut the two large pipe-like pieces of flesh, and joined the cut ends together.

"Okay, it's over. Just a couple stitches and we'll be all done here. It's out now, Zim, okay?" Zim bit down on his lower lip, and nodded subtly. Dib got the stitches, and started to sew the wound closed as Zim screamed loud enough for Skoodge to hear him on Blorch. His pained screams grew louder and louder as the needle penetrated his skin, looped through a wound, and penetrated another layer of skin.

Dib showed Zim how to make neat stitches. _In, out, in, out_ "don't try to move while I'm doing this, or you might mess up the stitches." Finally, after many screams and stitches, Dib finished closing Zim up. "Okay, now, I need you to take it easy for a while until the laceration heals, would you?"

Zim looked at his friend as though he was completely crazy. "Zim cannot relax. I have a mission, Dib!"

"You're friends with someone who used to be your worst enemy. I think the tallest would understand."


End file.
